Friday, November 17, 2006

The final countdown?

It's cliched, but can you believe it's mid-November already?

I know where the year has gone (work, some knitting, waaaay too much tv, yet more work) but it has gone very fast.

We're starting to get into our "lasts" now - it really is the final countdown. To the end of work, our wedding, and our move.

I'm beginning to feel the teensiest bit sad. Last birthday has been had, last Thanksgiving is coming up this weekend - along with the last Grey Lynn Park festival, last winter (though that one could come a bit sooner, the weather is still shocking!)... you get the idea.

I have mixed feelings about my last days at work. I'm definitely sick of a lot about my workplace, and some of the people, but I've created and moulded this job, and I will also miss some of the people here. I'm scared I will never again find a job I'm really good at. I'm scared I'll end up doing a crappy job instead of what I like doing.

I am already incredibly sad about the last days at our apartment. I always cried a teensy bit when we moved, but this time we'll be leaving our first home together - the place we bought together, and the first place we will have lived in as a married couple. I'm the person who's most keen to move - I just wish I could bring our oasis with us. Will we ever have such a comforting, calm place ever again? Will I ever feel so safe? Will I ever really love a place like this again? And will the new tenants totally trash the apartment?

I guess lasts also mean firsts, and I've been racking up a few of those too. I've started going to the gym, and as long as I go tonight (you'll have to kill me to stop me, no matter how tired I am), it'll be 3x a week for 2 weeks.

I hate exercise, so this is quite a revelation. And I'm so serious that I'm going to buy a sports bra to protect the girls from my enthusiasm. It's a very disturbing first, but it is a healthy one, so we're encouraging it.

There are lots of other firsts - mostly wedding-related. The ones I'm looking forward to largely revolve around travel: like my first time in Hong Kong, India, and Greece.

But the biggest first is that when we move, it will be the first time I will go somewhere with no plan. I've been overseas plenty, and I did a student exchange - but I've always had a plan. Of course, we'll try to have a plan this time, but it's unlikely to be followed. Where are we going? Still not sure if it's London or Dublin. Where will we live? Um, see the first question. Do we have jobs? Well, not yet. Will we stay long? No idea, though we have no plans to return to NZ in the near future.

It's a bit scary. For someone like me who is a planner by nature, it's terrifying. I'm coping by mentally planning our packing system (bring with; send over; store and probably need soon; store and probably never need; chuck) and focusing on how great The Trouser is. Because if anyone can get me through this, it's him.

It's not the first time I've relied on him, nor will it be the last. And that's a comfort. We may be counting down on some things, but not on our relationship.


Blogger Violet said...

Sounds very exciting to me. I remember when I went to the UK without any promise of jobs - actually there was a slight downtown in the demand for IT people at the time - and by the time I found a contract i was down to my last few hundred pounds. But there's two of you, so it'll be heaps less worrying.

5:41 pm  
Anonymous ruth said...

wow, i can totally see how there can be anxiety with this new stage in life... it comes with so many unknowns, alot of them coming from your upcoming big move! lots of luck you to both - it certainly will be alot of firsts, but definately a journey shared together by each other. =)

8:33 pm  
Anonymous Sara said...

Well one way to alleviate your fears is to come to Dublin and start meeting up with us Irish and non-Irish knitters!! We always welcome more knitty peeps!
Good luck with everything, I started a new job this week and it was daunting but fine in the end.

7:28 am  
Blogger The Skirt said...

Thanks for your comforting thoughts - I really do hope it will all be ok!

And Sara, I agree that some knitting in Ireland would alleviate many fears!

10:51 am  

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