Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Hanging in there

I'm still here! Not blogging so much, but still here.

The new blog - our joint blog, which will be an interesting experience - is not yet ready. I'd like The Trouser to come up with a nifty template, including a photo (all will be revealed). Yet despite his enthusiasm for the occasional dabble in web design, and his overwhelming enthusiasm for his new camera, no dice.

Enh. We'll get there.

Meanwhile, we've been working hard. Yesterday it was a month until our wedding, so we've been sorting lots of stuff: girls' shoes, my dress fittings, makeup artist, hair stuff, The Trouser's shoes, suits... We're really getting there!

After much discussion, we decided what we were comfortable with regarding my father and the wedding: no walking me down the aisle, no wearing a suit to match the men in the wedding party, and no speech. He and my mother will give a toast together. And if he tries to make an impromptu speech or to grandstand generally, he will be shut down. (He did the former at a cousin's wedding, and he does the latter all the time, so we do have to specifically mention these things.) It isn't ideal, and I know I will be stressed out, but it's better than upsetting every0one by un-inviting him.

Meanwhile after their Xmas breaks, both parents seem to be pretending that nothing ever happened. My mother knows that this has been hugely upsetting for us, and that we want a lot of space and need support, so it is incredibly annoying and frustrating that she invites us over to dinner and to talk wedding stuff with them, as if nothing had ever happened. She's burying her head in the sand, as usual, and our relationship suffers as a result. She can't acknowledge that my father emotionally abused me, and that she should have believed me when I told her what he was doing. She also can't acknowledge that she needs to stop focusing on keeping him happy, and look at trying to repair some of the damage.

My father hasn't contacted me since we gave them their Xmas presents and he ignored me, like he always does when he isn't busy bullying me. Fun times.

I am really looking forward to leaving this all behind. Only 7 1/2 more days of work, less than a month to the wedding, and we leave for Dublin (via our honeymoon in Hong Kong, Goa and Crete) on 5 March.

I'm looking forward to time to think about these issues, then deal with them - all with physical and emotional space from my family. I don't think I can ever get back to the closeness that my mother and I once had, and I will never again trust my father, so things will never be the same. But instead, I hope that I will feel better and more confident in myself. I value family, but not at the expense of my own happiness.

So we're still hanging in there. My knitting has suffered somewhat, but I've managed to churn out a couple of cute things - might save the pics for the new blog though - hopefully coming soon!


Anonymous ruth said...

wow what a honeymoon!
once the wedding is over, it'll be nice to somewhat leave your parental drama behind... and focus on your new marriage/family instead. and after all the wedding planning/stress/drama, oh boy will the honeymoon be a relief and so much fun!! =)

9:28 am  
Blogger Violet said...

It feels like you've been planning your wedding forever - except I can vaguely remember reading your blog about getting engaged...

7:08 pm  
Blogger Mary Jane said...

Oh for that honeymoon! Wow! Oh you will get to eat the best food! mmm noodle shops in Hong Kong. You lucky pair. You deserve such a trip after all the trials of wedding planning. Best of Luck. Can't wait to see the new blog.

4:00 am  

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