Wednesday, December 13, 2006

It got worse

and then it got less bad. I'd say better, but it isn't better per se, it's just less dire.

The Trouser and I understand each other better than ever, and have an even closer relationship.

My parents and I (and The Trouser, for that matter) do not.

We (The Trouser and I) thought I was over some major hurt from my childhood, but it turns out I'm not, despite our best efforts. And this affects how I relate to my parents as an adult.

It affects more than just that though - it affects how I relate to people and situations generally. I'm aware of it, but I am not yet able to stop it.

It has been a really tiring, painful process and we're both emotionally and physically exhausted - hence the lack of posting. And, for the people we see in person, the lack of energy and engagement with life in general.

This year I'm looking forward to Christmas not for the celebrations, but for the relative peace and quiet. We need time to recuperate and recharge, and gear up towards the wedding.


Anonymous ruth said...

we should swap stories one day. since my engagement, my parents and i have not spoken (long story). and yes, it has affected how i relate to everyone around me (including hubby) as an adult. still trying to break free of it and be "reformed". good luck!! and lots of peace for you two. =)

9:50 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm really relating to your posts. I thought a lot about your wedding after reading stuff last week. This should be a happy time, and it's very clearly not.

And don't worry that you're a bit disengaged with people around you. We have been through a fairly major family drama recently and it's called into question lots of stuff about how we deal with things. We've hibernated for at least a couple of months, just to get a bit of focus back and so on. I think it's really good to do it for a while. Thank God I've had blogging in the meantime!

hang in there. that childhood stuff never really goes away - just fades. I know it well.

3:11 pm  
Anonymous Bobbi said...

I was saddened to read your posts. Families can be a pain (some can be a pleasure). I pray for you and the Shirt will start your own "pleasure" family. Breaking the cycle is the best goal you can have. It's hard work, but it CAN be done.
Sending out good vibes for you!
BTW: My Mom tells everyone that 20 years ago, when Doogie & I were planning to wed, that I said to her, "Mother, you may suggest...not tell."

4:22 am  

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