Thursday, December 15, 2005

And while I'm at it...

Speaking of anger, I am still angry about what went down with The Trouser's sister and her husband when we saw them in NY in August.

Feeling quite angry generally at the moment, and i think probably a lot of it is due to this.

I haven't blogged about this before, so as briefly as I can - but including all the salient points, this situation is thus:

The engagement(s)
The sister got engaged after less than 6 months of dating this guy. They planned to get married quickly. It went kaput. Maybe 9 months later she gets engaged to the current husband, after dating less than 6 months.

We express concern over the haste, and note that as we'd already planned a trip to the US, we hope the wedding date will be a few months ahead.

They send an invitation to The Trouser only. No "and partner" etc. (Bear in mind here that the sister set us up in the first place.) The date? Less than 2 months away.

The Trouser communicates that we can't go. We hear nothing. We do send Christmas gifts, which are not acknowledged.


Post-wedding visit
Prior to the visit, the sister sends a couple of really nasty emails, aided by her charming husband. I am a nasty and manipulative person who is controlling The Trouser, which is why he didn't come to the wedding, etc. I have no right to have an opinion on anything in the family, as I am not part of said family (after 4 years). Yada yada, nasty venom.

The Trouser speaks to the sister and she apologises, but it feels a bit fake. We give them a nice wedding gift. We spend time together but it's awkward. The husband is controlling and the sister has become flakier. The husband tries to stir up trouble for the parents.

We travel to see relatives in Australia with them, and the husband continues to try to stir up trouble. He is especially nasty to me, and tries to make me feel left out.


Trip planning
We confirm dates with the sister & co before booking, as we are meant to stay with them in NYC.

6 weeks before we go, our offer of accommodation (made publicly to show how magnanimous they are) is rescinded. The cost of our trip rises by $1000 and I begin to regret agreeing to go to NYC.


The trip
The husband is rude and constantly picks us and our lifestyle (not being married and not being of a particular faith). The sister sits there.

The husband makes homophobic and racist comments. The sister joins in occasionally.

The sister makes mean comments to me - aimed at me - behind The Trouser's back. It is quite clear she no longer thinks I am "perfect" for The Trouser.


Post-trip
They call The Trouser's parents to tell them they "disapprove" of our relationship.

Later, they call and tell The Trouser's parents a lie about us.


Our engagement
We get engaged! We diud not tell them. The Trouser's parents don't either. We agree that they are not welcome at the wedding. I continue to feel angry, and helpless, because whatever I do or say is seen as interfering.


Ok, enough for a bit now. Thanks for letting me vent :-)

3 Comments:

Blogger Violet said...

So you're feeling angry over the non-existent pay rise, so you subconsciously dig up any other thing that you're angry about so you can stew over it all at the same time?

Actually I've been like that too, but with sad stuff.

10:44 am  
Blogger genesis said...

Hi There,

I was surfing the web today and I came across your website, and I was wondering why don't you submit your blog to the new zealand blog aggregator at www.iopblogs.com

5:44 am  
Blogger The Skirt said...

Violet: I think what happened is I tried to bury or just get over the sister-in-law thing too soon - i.e. before I had really accepted it. So it's been bubbling away just below the surface, and when the non-pay-rise happened it just popped up again.

It's annoying because I had kind of convinced myself I was ok about it all...

8:23 am  

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